I Wonder If I’ve Grown Lately

I have to wonder if I’ve really grown much, if at all, as a person for the past six months. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like I have… and there are even times it’s as if I took a few steps back. I was browsing through some of the things I’ve written, and it comes off as something I’d say now, or something I wish I could say right off the top of my head (which is exactly what I did when I wrote most of the posts, essays, poems, etc.).

And then, naturally, comes the next question: am I just being to reflective of past words, thoughts, feelings, and understanding; am I just allowing myself to become absorbed in the past? Or simply self-absorbed? I mean, I’m self-centered, an individual. But that is distinct, different. There is myself at the center (ideal) vs. being to focused on or absorbed in myself (blind to other things; contracted, reduced awareness; not ideal). What’s really a bit of a laugh is that this whole post could be an illustration of self-absorbtion.

That I’m wary of publishing this post is one of those little things that makes me wonder if I’ve progressed as an individual. Pushing the stupid little ‘publish’ button right after finishing this paragraph… that’s a tiny example of me making a deliberate choice instead of fretting about it more. It really is time I just start doing shit again, and learning from the results of my actions. No momentum comes from sitting still.


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