Sometimes… sometimes I just feel uninterested. Things seem washed out, bland, even boring, or monotonous. Kind of like “same shit, different day”. If you feel like that, here’s a question: what are you going to do about it? Mope about how ‘blah’ everything seems? Whine? Quietly pout about it, rotting in place? I’ve done that before. Hell, I’ll probably do all of that – and more – at some point again. Maybe even tonight or tomorrow.
Here’s the point though: you keep doing that, and only that, and it’s going to get you absolutely nowhere – hence “rotting in place”.
I’ve been reflecting on this apathy, and even melancholy, that I feel at times, and it led to an intriguing way of looking at it. I feel like it’s unhealthy, and in this state I tend to dwell on the fact that I’m in it. I also often feel like I should be better than that, experienced enough, strong enough that I ought not be brought down by something that’s so familiar, that I’ve felt and passed through so many times before only to return to it again somehow… it becomes self-perpetuating, a worsening condition. A worsening sickness. Looking at it from that angle, it’s occured to me that the approaches taken in the kind of (Dark Side) Healing Khaos described in his last show is something I can apply to this.
I don’t know if looking at it as a sickness of the spirit is all that apt of me, but it seems like a profound angle to approach it from at the moment. I think I might’ve even touched on this ‘apathy & melancholy as ailment’ in my notes a few years ago, if only in passing. *shrugs* It’s a line of thought that merits a bit of playing and feeling things out, seeing how applicable it might actually be.
(Don’t hold you’re breath for updates on the subject, just thought I’d write a bit about it.)