Rotting in Place

Sometimes… sometimes I just feel uninterested. Things seem washed out, bland, even boring, or monotonous. Kind of like “same shit, different day”. If you feel like that, here’s a question: what are you going to do about it? Mope about how ‘blah’ everything seems? Whine? Quietly pout about it, rotting in place? I’ve done that before. Hell, I’ll probably do all of that – and more – at some point again. Maybe even tonight or tomorrow.

Here’s the point though: you keep doing that, and only that, and it’s going to get you absolutely nowhere – hence “rotting in place”.

I’ve been reflecting on this apathy, and even melancholy, that I feel at times, and it led to an intriguing way of looking at it. I feel like it’s unhealthy, and in this state I tend to dwell on the fact that I’m in it. I also often feel like I should be better than that, experienced enough, strong enough that I ought not be brought down by something that’s so familiar, that I’ve felt and passed through so many times before only to return to it again somehow… it becomes self-perpetuating, a worsening condition. A worsening sickness. Looking at it from that angle, it’s occured to me that the approaches taken in the kind of (Dark Side) Healing Khaos described in his last show is something I can apply to this.

I don’t know if looking at it as a sickness of the spirit is all that apt of me, but it seems like a profound angle to approach it from at the moment. I think I might’ve even touched on this ‘apathy & melancholy as ailment’ in my notes a few years ago, if only in passing. *shrugs* It’s a line of thought that merits a bit of playing and feeling things out, seeing how applicable it might actually be.

(Don’t hold you’re breath for updates on the subject, just thought I’d write a bit about it.)



  1. Oh yes, I didn’t mean to imply otherwise… Part of the reason I compare it to sickness is because it’s not necessarily permanent – like with the flu, and as with the flu there are ways to make it worse. ‘Course, like I said, I’m not sure how apt of a comparison it is… I guess if I want to try to expand the metaphor getting the flu might serve to get your body in better shape by the time it’s overwith, if only to have made itself something the immune system recognizes and handles better next time it’s encountered.

    The lack of parallels that are most obvious to me, and (mostly) why I hesitate to call it “sickness” is because, like you say, it’s a natural flux between growth and stability, and I’m not quite sure how getting sick really compares. I s’pose getting sick is a natural way for the immune system to grow though being exposed to something and getting familiar with it, and with how to deal with it.

    My line of thought is still a bit shaky, honestly, but I think it still holds some viability as an angle to look at apathy from. (Btw, thank you for commenting here, and checking out the blog – I’m assuming from the Facebook wall posts. If you end up reading anymore of it or see anything in this comment, you’re (as always) more than welcome to keep the comments coming 😉 . I might post some of these at the FA or OotS, come to think of it.)

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