Hugs and Kisses to an era of Love. I’ve tried for what seems like a long time to move on. But since I got burnt I haven’t made any real moves toward healing. Instead I’ve in essence been looking at myself, at where it hurt, and saying, “holy shit… this is gonna leave a scar”. It hadn’t though; I hadn’t even let it scab up.
I was a newborn dragonfly,
Grotesque features, creepy feelers,
Decked out and eager to fly.
But I was grounded,
betrayed by earthly gravity,
Still stayed in soil, seeking to rise above,
I found a kerosene called love.
And my wings, so pretty, so rounded,
Were doused in noxious fluid,
I poured it on, effects untested.
My chance to soar, to explore the sky,
Was without a doubt, about to die.
There I stood with match in hand…
Not knowing such a thing could hurt so bad.
I’m not trying to move on from that anymore though… it healed on its own, without much help from me – verily, I think I might’ve slowed the process down. What I feel, it isn’t pain anymore, it’s actually a scar. I’ve been starting to kind of grasp this for a while now, but in truly realizing this over the past two days I’m giving it a last goodbye.
I’m not sorry anymore,
For being a romantic.
I won’t stop being myself,
Even when it makes you frantic.
You might call my way a crime,
I see you wanting to condemn.
It wouldn’t be the first time,
But this is just what I am.
I don’t care if it scares you,
Or if it gets you in a panic.
It’s time for some honesty:
I’m tired of your crazy antics.
Like I said, I’m not sorry anymore. And no, this isn’t just another quaint ending, not in the sense of past attempts. I tried to move on before, but wasn’t really doing it. At this point though, I already have, was rotting in place between the latest ending and another begining. In this beginning, I’m holding a Knife and a talking Rose, Make Way. A Hint for the inspiration of Now:
I won’t stop being Myself,
Even when it makes Me frantic.
I want to be inspired.
I am becoming Romantic.
Make of it what you will. Self-pity, righteous conviction, sinful pride, a bit of humor… boundaries begin to lose their meaning even as I create them. Whatever the fuck. Limitations are only as limiting as I allow them to be, as ever.
(Written November 15th, 2011, 8:35 AM)