I was up ’till 5:00 AM this morning. I fell asleep around that time, and actually woke up at about 7:30 (two and a half hours later). The odd thing about that? I have a hard time getting to sleep; I have a hard time waking up; what I do not ever, ever have a hard time doing is staying asleep. This morning I woke up pretty shaken. This is… well, absolutely fascinating to me. I’ve had a few dreams over the last few months that I’d describe as ‘disturbing’ to me, but its been years since I was so genuinely scared, in it and after it. This isn’t one of those ones that needs any extensive self-analysis to understand either; suffice to say, I had an intuitive understanding that came together in the hours after I woke up. And I’ll tell you what, waking up today left me in stark contrast to the rested alertness I described in Early Morning Hours.
Anyways, it’s so interesting to me because I had ‘nightmares’ every now and then when I was little, and I came to be pretty fond of them, and even the fear they inspired. I’m not sure how odd or normal that is, and I don’t think I really care, so… The fondness I had for these experiences seemed to kind of, I don’t know, make them less something to be afraid of and more something to anticipate and welcome. Over time, I stopped having anything whatsoever I could fairly call a nightmare or a bad dream. That I had one today, and the respresentation it probably has for me, is something that feels both off-putting and interesting. I guess I could say that it might indicate a step in the right direction in my life. Or it might’ve just been a very disturbing, fear-ridden dream lol.
Either way, there you have (a few of) my thoughts on nightmares as they relate to the one that screwed with me a little bit today. I’d thought about writing this earlier than it actually got written, when everything was a little more vivid in my mind, and was just going to leave it to myself. Someone else wrote a bit involving her dreams today though, and after reading it I thought, eh, why not. You might’ve noticed I didn’t lay out the actual dream… no desire to, for this one, so I just didn’t. I know what it was, and I felt like writing a bit about it, so I wrote what I wanted.
(Written December 15th, 2011)