An Old Freewrite on the Valley

I swear I’ve never had so much trouble with my computer as I’ve had over the past day or two. Now that AOL will actually sign on again (instead of freezing), I have a freewrite on my Inner World I stumbled onto while I was doing some house cleaning. If I had to guess, I would say I probably wrote it sometime in 2011, either earlier in the year or mid-year…

Valley of Shadows and Death

Meaning to Me? Dead, fallen. Um… Still in the Shadow of my failures. Traveling, searching, groping, grasping. Stars going out, equated with death and darkness. Death of a Star (could be) the Birth of a Black Hole. In the Valley of Death = haunted by failings? In the Shadow of? Pass through the Valley means…? Through death maybe. Am I at a crossroads right now? Kind of feels like it.

Crossroads… implies choices? Also uncertainty, maybe. Learning to listen (to my heart) again. Seeking certainty… maybe trying to figure out which direction/way/choice goes with what I Want/Desire?

Polarities, crossroads… Old name shows qualities. Qualities from  ‘the Dead/Death’, ‘Rebirth’? New… shadows. New shadows… causing death?

No idea.

My first reaction, in re-reading that jumbled mess, is that I was overthinking (everything). Am I now? *shrugs* I don’t feel like I am. There was/is a lot of unspoken content and imagery underlying a lot of the words I used, and a lot of messiness involved with the technique itself (free-association writing).

The Valley seems like a very depressing place, I imagine; what I call it and what imagery I’ve shared of it here and there. I’m sure The High End of Low seemed like a depressing album at certain points… but I have a different perspective on it. Songs like “Leave a Scar” seemed to have a more melancholy tone around the time I bought the cd… I listened to that song when I was on my own high end of my own low and heard that within it. I listen to it now and hear an upbeat tune. The meaning, the emotion provoked by its sounds and words, changed over time. Which, I found out later, had a fitting, funny correlation to the artists take on his own record…

“And for me, halfway through the record, you can hear it. It went from despair to anger, it’s like passing through the stages of destruction and reconstruction.”~Marilyn Manson

I’m not low anymore. Funny how songs can stay the same but still transform over time. Like the mythos. And like me, I guess.

Anyways, getting back to the Valley… The prevalent theme of death isn’t as morbid as it probably seems. I was talking about symbolic death and… rebirth. But maybe different from past experiences to this effect. There was an aspect to it of ressurection, of marrying the best of the old with something new – as opposed all of what was dieing and making place for a birth of something entirely different.

~Miscellaneous Musings

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