Nihilistic Spiral

I sometimes find myself in a state of nihilism. Nothing seems to matter. And I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a true sense of this without a feeling – in some measure – of depression; though I might go as far as to call it despair sometimes.

“The more the universe seems comprehensible, the more it seems pointless.”
-Steven Weinberg

I have to ask myself, what do I know about emotions as hindrances? Mostly, that the emotions themselves are never the problem. It’s not a question of which are good and which are bad; rather, it’s a question of whether they’re being properly understood and whether I am becoming absorbed and perhaps even overwhelmed by a given emotion.

I don’t know that this is solely an emotional matter though. There are one or two at play for sure, but there’s more to it… the emotions sometimes seem like they’re brought about by thinking about things and looking at them in a certain way. But other times, it seems like the emotions feed a conviction nothing really matters. Maybe it’s symbiotic, a self-perpetuating downward spiral. Breakable – or reversable, to put it another way – but not always with ease, and probably never completely banished.

I call it different things. The Empty. The Void. Hollowness. *shrugs* The thing about it is pretty simple though. Or at least a part of it. If nothing matters, then the individual is free to decide what matters… ’cause if nothing matters on any grand scale, than anything can. Perhaps… it’s up to the person that’s gone into the Void and feels the Empty. Up to him or her to search for something that seems worth attention, time, effort… worth caring about.

There’s a metaphor that’s taken shape over time that involves the imagery of stars, gravity… things like that. Maybe I’ll touch on that in another post.

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