You know, for a few years it was a sure thing I’d be getting stoned pretty much all day on 4:20. Haha, nowadays,well… let’s just say I don’t play with substances like I used to. That’s not to say I won’t though; as a matter of fact, right now I’m pretty fucking drunk (not bad articulation for someone that’s right on the edge of being hammered, eh?).
I’ve never gotten this idea of “addiction”, personally, because I’ve never been beholden to anything. Not truly. And it’s not that I wasn’t a heavy user of certain substances for lengthy periods of time either. But when I don’t want to be intoxicated, I’m not. Cocaine has been the only ‘almost’ exception to that. “Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” I forget who said it, but whoever said it was spot on. I haven’t done any in like two or three years either though, so fail to see where I have a problem.
One thing in my favor, at least as I see it, is that I don’t really use this shit as a coping mechanism. I grew out of that real fast, when I was about fourteen. I use it for recreation and unwinding, when it’s convenient and if it doesn’t get in my way. (It’s just now starting to hit me how fucking plastered I am, the last couple drinks are really kicking in… I don’t know about you, but three paragraphs in at 2:30 in the morning… I’d say I’m still doing pretty well in communicating clearly, lol.)
Here’s my point: I don’t understand the concept of ‘addiction’ experientially beyond cigarettes and caffeine, both of which I openly admit I’m hooked on, both of which would take a massive effort (that I have no desire to put forth) to smash out of the present and into the past. Because the fact is, even at this time of night (or, technically, morning) I can pick up my cellphone and probably get a gram of blow or weed if I want. But even a little drunk, I don’t feel any need. I know when I want something,I always find a way. But I don’t want my fun to get in the way of other things I want, so it doesn’t.
It’s fucking simple. And I’ll never understand the guy next door that goes sober (unwillingly) for months at a time because of his relationship and then – whenever his woman goes on a trip – binges every single day, all the way, in a messy train-wreck of a downward spiral. No showing up to work, no feeding the dog, no bothering not to knock over and/or break shit, and so on. That kind of a problem is totally beyond my understanding, because I’m fucking wasted right now, but tomorrow I’ll get up and (partially due to my gift of not usually getting hangovers) I’ll be sober and able to do whatever I want with a clear head and a quick mind.
Maybe part of it is that the neighbor (as only one example of many I could draw upon) is miserable, and tried to drown out his misery with every opportunity he gets, whereas if I have some free time and a little extra money, one of the things I might do to have a little fun and unwind is get plastered and enjoy myself and my intoxication.
So there you go… that’s all I’ve got to say atm really… To me, addiction is bullshit. Choice is everything.