desire

Sojourn

It is a constant struggle for me to cast aside dead skin, or burn it away, to keep from being smothered by it. It seems as if I am always in danger of asphyxiating on the ashes I can’t help but inhale, or suffocating as I make my way out of the husk of old growth that’s wrapped around me. More often the latter, actually, because it takes an intense flame to burn it away and I don’t seem to always have that. And so I wrap myself in dead skin, like a cocoon that’s warm enough, comfortable enough… and miserable enough, but that I’m compelled to break out of.

Even in creating a journal I’ve struggled in trying to reconcile it with the ones I’ve kept in the past; the intentions behind them, the value they’ve had, how I might find inspiration from the way I went about writing in them. Again and again I kept getting stuck on the possibilities, and worrying about a new journal I’ll just lose interest in writing in if I don’t figure out how I want to go about it, and what intention the tone should be set with. But I’ve finally decided to just say fuck it. See, I know better. The idea, as ever, is to choose, and act. Far more effective an approach than over-thinking and getting all indecisive about it.

I’ve returned many times to the question of what a journal is, what purpose it serves, and I have plenty of answers. To many. This is one of those times I’ve had to collapse the overwhelming amount of possibilities to bring the important things into focus, because a journal can be used in countless ways. Reflectively, contemplating memories and lessons of the past. Actively, tracking progress in the present and leaving a trail that can be looked back on later. It can be abstract, intellectual, centered around ideology, concepts, and explorations of one paradigm or another. Or it can be visceral, emotive, filled with emotional texture and tied inseparably to the context of the present moment of each and every entry.

As a notebook too, a collection of quotations, rough notes, fragments of thought, preserved bits of text from external sources, and personal studies of people, methods, experiences, or anything else deemed noteworthy enough to put into a book of notes. And it can be a place to preserve certain lessons, exercises, assertions, and any other material one might wish to be showcased in the manner of a journal, a sort of disorganized compendium to store less refined materials and unpolished writings. There’s really no shortage of possibilities.

So to choose and act, I am incidentally brought back to the sweet scent of ashes I all to often get seduced by, only to choke on. As unintentional as that circle jerk was though, I don’t think arriving back at some of my own self made, fiery dust is going to have the usual effect. It was made from something William Blake said about desire only being restrained if it is weak enough to be restrained. That, and a poem I wrote a few years ago. Neither being likely to trip me up because I arrived at them quite by accident. See, it might be a struggle, but that’s how I operate, and I just keep on ticking. This is what brought Blake’s words to mind…

When there is a want, there is a way.
Whether it’s found depends entirely on how bad you want to find it.
I wanted a journal that felt right, and now I have it: Sojourn.
Which, like this blog itself…

is whatever I want it to be.
A managerie of poetry.

Filthy love or clean hate.
Parts of the self I won‘t sedate.

And other things from inside of me.
Begging and tearing to be free.

I’ll Eat Your Heart

Cartoony Heart

We all want something.
Or lots of somethings.
You do, and so do I.

We’ve all got hearts.
You can follow yours,
And I’ll follow mine.

But if you take what I Want,
I’ll eat your heart,
If only to please mine.

daenarys-eating-heart-600-thumb-560x300

Sith Aphorism

Iron and steel aren’t the only things you can forge chains with.

Motivations & Timing

The Sith Resource… why now? While I feel I still have plenty more to offer the Order, it’s a different style and has become the product of someone elses vision since I handed over the reigns, and while I’m not opposed to collaborating, offering support in a sense, and helping things along here, it doesn’t entirely satisfy what I would want to see in a site centered around Sith Realism. The resource is an opportunity for past teachings to be showcased and possibly dissected, torn down, or built upon, and its a return to the roots of the Sith. Miles has a peculiar relationship with the word ‘Sith’…

“This place frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.

Part of it is the association with Sith probably. The use of the term is difficult to preserve, in the way I use it to label my path. The symbol has such beautiful possibilities to me but it also has a major drawback. The origin is a symbol created in popular culture, and what has emerged as my path is nothing like that popular cultural identity. It may use that identity as a launching point, but it looks behind it for value.”
~Miles, Sith Lord

Which has, in fact, been a point of contention between us from time to time. Not that I hold it against him, but we’re not exactly the same ‘brand’ of Sith. Enough to co-exist, to help each other out, to connect and conflict with each other well, but there’s a subtle distinction between us, and what we resonate with. So when I say a “return to the roots of the Sith”, I doubt it is something he or others that resonate with his approach and outlook will always feel drawn to. But I have always possessed a certain passion for the mythos, for the older teachings (perhaps because of their flaws, rather than in spite of them, and for their burning passion, their brazen attempts to blaze a path forward and define what a Sith is). I might even go as far as to call it a sense of reverence.

The drawbacks of shallow thinking have always been outweighed by the benefits of dedicated, sincere, genuine practitioners of the Sith, and the count of how many will always remain one, for oneself, so – projection or valid observation – I rarely find it to be frustrating. Not to mention, shallow thinking (and it being shared) has always served as a potential gateway into something more. Not always… to be sure, some people are lost causes not worth knowing, but they’re truly few and far between, and almost inevitably weed themselves out or defy expectation to grow into someone that commands attention.

So the resource, as it exists now, is a showcasing of various highlights from different eras, many of them arguably a representation of the Sith Ways being articulated in a very early, infantile level of development, some being brilliant, ahead of their time, what you might call… “classics”.

As it may come to be, maybe others find resonance with the mythos, with older teachings and how they can be used as starting points, points of contrast or gestation for further evolution of different facets of the Sith Way, with a shameless willingness to draw on the fiction outright when it’s so desired, and in a place where recognition, hierarchy, and things of the like take a back seat, where the site itself isn’t so pretentious, doesn’t take itself so seriously (and this is less a stab at OotS than at other sites) that it requires regular activity on a weekly or monthly basis to retain the ‘privilege’ of an account, or attaches arbitrary standards to things like the ‘Darth’ title in an ass backwards attempt to give it weight and meaning.

Killing Sunshine

I want to take down the rising sun,
And fall, in league with the dark of night.
Grinning with a loaded gun,
I want to shoot something, I want to fight.
There’s no rhyme or reason, just fun,
It doesn’t need to be “right”.
I want to see a ray of sunshine run,
Pistol grip in hand, tight.
I want to show it the barrel of my gun,
And show it the frailty of its might.
Can’t stop until it’s gone, dead, done,
I’m going to murder some light.

Greed is a Scapegoat

That seems the popular thing to point out about what’s wrong with the world: Greed. I forget which episode it was, but it was one of the newer KoA episodes and the idea of people only looking out for themselves was brought up and pointed to by someone as what he thought was wrong with the world. I don’t remember who said it or whether it held up throughout the discussion, but that’s not as important as far as what I want to talk about – suffice to say, it brought the popular practice of demonizing greed to mind.

I’d bet most people agree with that sentiment, that that greedy one percent (or whatever convenient label you have for people you feel are exploiting you) are exploiting the average person because they’re so damned greedy. After all movements like Occupy Wall Street, Anonymous, etc. are popular and I’ve heard a lot of litanies against greed from those types of groups. Personally, I don’t see greed as the problem; there’s a variety of different factors, and two that easily, readily come to mind are a) if you’re a victim, it’s because you’re allowing yourself to be and b) their greed isn’t the problem, it’s their stupidity.

Long-term, if we keep going the way we are is this country going to last? Probably not – which is fine, I’ve always said that there’s a reason the second amendment is one of our rights (i.e. that a nation has a life cycle, a progression, and the 2nd amendment was meant for that inevitability). But it’s not because people are greedy. It’s because they’re not very bright.

(Written ?-?-12 // Probably March of 2012)

Relates to…

Abaddon

He comes bearing bitter fruits,
The Apples of Sodom(y) and Knowing.
Their pretty, ruby red hue rendered moot,
For fear of what they’d be showing.

He comes only to lay waste.
Running from him, desperate,
They flee with greatest haste.

(Written October 25th, 2012 // ref. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_(personification) )

Words On Success

“The twin killers of success are impatience & greed.”
~Jim Rohn

The above quote is, for all intent and purposes, a crock of shit. Here are some consistent ‘killers’ of success’: inaction, laziness, disinterest, overthinking, incompetene, stupidity, and doubts. I’m sure there’s more, but I think what little I’ve rattled off should be sufficient to make a point; that is, if you stand still, whether because you think you’re being clever, or it some sort of doubt or fear based paralysis, you will not go anywhere, except maybe backwards, if someone happens to notice you and shoves you back, or if you’re so still you get knocked back or to the side because you just don’t register in the field of Vision others might possess.

Impatience and greed can lead to mistakes, sure, but they don’t kill your chances of success. Trials and errors ladies and gents, and if they come from impatience or greed, then so be it. At least that way you’ll have a fucking learning experience. There’s definately pitfalls that go with impatience and greed, and I don’t know if I’d lean on those as a rule of thumb for getting what I want when I go after it, but neither are killers of success. If anything, they might turn out to be the first clumsy ass steps towards succeeding…

(Written 12-?-12)